Christmas Left-Right Gift Exchange Story: Western

For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year, 2016, many of us had become addicted to West World, so a good old fashioned Western seemed appropriate.

Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every time the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.

You can find our older stories here

– Star Wars Christmas (2015)
– Fairy Tail Christmas (2014)
– Science Fiction Christmas (2013)
– Romance Christmas (2012)
– Film Noir Christmas (2011)


Trixie and the Christmas Miracle

A train whistle echoed in the distance as US Marshal Dilan McRightland brought his horse Righty to a stop on the left side of the ridge. Down below, right in the middle of the valley was his destination, the place he had been headed right towards for three weeks. Wrightville Gulch. He’d seen a lot of dusty towns, not much more than a few buildings on the right and left side of a crooked street. Left to his own devices he would have left his job and gone right back to his family farm on left bank of Ohio river, right below Louisville Kentucky. But he had sworn an oath to uphold justice, to make sure that wrongs were righted, and that no criminal was left free to cause more harm. It was the right thing to do.
He dug his heals into Righty and they headed right down the trial, towards an encounter that would have been best left alone.

As he entered the town from the… south, he surveyed both sides of the street. On the right was a bank, livery stable, and what looked like a hotel that may not be where the ‘right type of people’ stay. The other side of the street held a saloon, blacksmith, general store, and a Chinese restaurant: Right and Wrong Noodles. Dilan assumed that the fugitive he was seeking was in the saloon. So he tied up Righty, using a left hitch not, and went right in the swinging doors.

It took a while for his eyesight to adjust to the dim interior. A long mahogany bar filled the wall. On the… other side, there was a stair case that led to rooms on the second floor. Right in the middle of the room stood a giant Christmas tree. That was right, Dilan thought, today was Christmas Eve. It has been a long time since he had enjoyed a right proper Christmas. He began to day dream about snowy Christmas mornings when a shout brought him right back to reality.

“Hey! You looking for me, stranger?” A man dressed in head to toe in black leather stood on the left side of the Christmas tree. “If you are Lefty Peterson, then yes.” Replied Dilan. “I’m US Marshal Dilan McRightland and I’ve traveled all the way to Wrightville Gulch, right here in the middle of no-where, to bring you to justice.”

The two men stared at each other across the room, their right hands hovering over their six shooters, which for now were left in their holsters. “I don’t think you have it right, Marshal. When I left the Stanton brothers for dead, right in the middle of Dodge City, I left that life behind me. I’m clean now, I’ve got a wife and kids. I started over. You know what I did was right, they deserved to die. So the right thing for you to do is get back on your horse and get right out of town.”

This left Marshall Dilan a bit baffled. What if Lefty was right? And then he stood up straight and looked Lefty in the eye. “The law is the law lefty, doesn’t matter if you think what you did was right, it is up to a jury to decide that.” Lefty looked right back, and snarled “The only way you are taking me back is as a corpse. If you don’t leave in a coffin yourself. Their right hands slowly moved to their guns.

Just when they were about to draw a girl dressed like a dancer the left bank of the Sein in Paris, dashed right between them. “Stop right now!” she shouted. “Gosh Nabit! It’s Christmas Eve. Have you any heart left, either of you?” She turned to Lefty “Lefty, darling, you don’t have to die. If you think what you did was… justified, go with the marshal, argue your case.” She spun to face Marshall McRightland “And you, you come riding in here on Christmas ever, where we was having ourselves a right nice party, and you threaten our friend Lefty, that just aint right either!”

Dilan stood. He could see the star on his chest reflected in the mirror behind the bar, and he could see the star right on top of the tree. And he looked right at the dancing girl, a small tear falling from her right eye. “Lefty” he said “you agree to let me handcuff you to that bar there, and we can have ourselves a right proper Christmas ever and morning. And then we ride out of here and you get your day in court. Does that sound…. All right?” Lefty thought for a minute, then responded “I right reckon that is the right thing to do. Right here and right now on Christmas eve, maybe some peace on earth is what we need.”

And so on that Christmas Eve in a dusty town right in the middle of no-where, a little Christmas spirit, and a fiery dancing girl named… Trixie, brought a little peace on earth and goodwill towards men to a place called Wrightville Gulch.

Christmas Left-Right Gift Exchange Story: Star Wars Adventure

For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year, 2015, we had started the day of the party by attending the new Star Wars movie, so the story had to be Star Wars related.

Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every time the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.

You can find our older stories here

– Fairy Tail Christmas (2014)
– Science Fiction Christmas (2013)
– Romance Christmas (2012)
– Film Noir Christmas (2011)


A long time ago in a galaxy far far, away…

San To Claas is in trouble. Right next to the Right-torna system on the left side of the Galaxy, the planet Northpoliax, in a left hand orbit around the star Leftonia 37, was the galactic hub for all thing Christmas. Gifts left the system right after the planet’s winter solstice. But nothing left on this orbit. Because right above the largest continent on Northpoliax, a Death Star hovered. Threatening Christmas for everyone, no one was left out.

A new Sith lord, Darth Rightis, hated Christmas. All that cheer and spirit left him cold inside. Two much of the light side of the force. Just the thought of all those gifts left for younglings left him angry. But help was right around the corner. A squadron of Xwing fighters was following right behind the Millennium Falcon.

“Arffhhhhdghgg ” said Chewy.

“What? The moon on the left or the one on the right?” Asked Han Solo. Chewy gestured and Hans went to the left.

“Your other left” yelled Princess Leia. Han dived right behind the moon on the left and slingshoted right toward the Death Star, the Xwings right behind them.

The lead pilot said: “Red leader this is blue leader. You take the left side. We will take the left as well, right after you attack, those bastards won’t expect that.”
“Right” Responded blue leader.

Han added: “We will soften up that left side for you. Then let loose the “big present” after both your attacks on the left. The warhead should go right in and end this madness. “

As they approached the Millennium Falcon put covering fire to the right, then veered to the right, leaving the left open. The Xwings attacked, diving right into the slot and trying not to hit either side, the left or the right. The first attack on the left left the defenses damaged. The second attack on the left was right on target. That left the run of the Millennium Falcon. It released a plasma bomb that was wrapped in a big red package, with a bow right on top. As Han pulled up and to the left, and then the right, the warhead exploded right on inside of the main power coupler. Chewy, sitting in the right seat, bellowed in victory as the Death Star exploded right under them. As the debris clears a hologram image appeared right in the middle of the cabin.

It showed Admiral San To Clause, wearing his red uniform with white fur epilets on the right and left shoulders.

“Thank you all for coming right when we needed you. Right now, Christmas is saved and the dark side is left with one less Sith Lord. May the force, be right with you. And Merrrrrry Christmas to all!

Christmas Right-Left Gift Exchange Story: Fairy Tail Style

Left-Right-Christmas-Story-2014For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year we have a cationary fairy tail. Here is how it works. 

Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every time the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.  

You can find previous years stories here:

– Film Noir Christmas
– Science Fiction Christmas
– Romance Christmas

The Wooden Horse

In a village, that sits on the left bank of the river Dreamwald, there is a good and generous family, the Leftmulds. The father is the last barrel wright left in the duchy of Cornwil-o-day-leffon.  He has a wife, two gorgeous twin daughters, and a son name… Albert.  Albert was willful and spoiled.  He thought he was always right and he always wanted what he wanted right now. 

One day, about right when the cows needed to come in from pasture, Albert stormed in to his father’s workshop, walked right up to his father, and said:  You have left me no choice but to go on strike.  I demand you make me a wooden horse toy right now.  

“Albert” his father said “You left the door open. Please close it.”

Albert replied: “I don’t care if I left the door open, you promised me a horse and I want it now. “

His father said “I told you, when you clean the right side of the barn, and there is no mud left on the floor, and there is no hay left outside, I will give you your horse”

“I hate you!  I wish you had left me with the stork!  I’m leaving right now”

And with that, he stormed out.  All is father said was “You still left the door open my son. Something is not… correct with you”

Albert ran from the village. Right past the mill, right past the well, and right out the gate into the dark and ominous Dreamwald forest.  He soon slowed, for the run had left him out of breath. But he kept walking and walking.  Presently he noticed an old woman in black standing right in the middle of the path. He walked right up to her and said. “Excuse me old woman, but you are in my way, I would ask that you step aside right now.”

The old woman peered from beneath her hood and said “I’m waiting for you Albert. You left a wish at the wishing stone last night.  I’m here to make it right.”

“You have my wooden horse?” Albert asked, having left off the idea of getting past this women.

“I do, but you must promise to give me whatever I want. Promise right now.  “

He was left with no choice “I promise”

There was a boom and a crash and right next to Albert there was a gorgeous wooden horse. It left him breathless, and for the first time in his life, something left him speechless as well. It was more than he had hoped for.

“Is it all right?” asked the old crown.

“Oh yes” he replied “It is defiantly all right.

And then she began to cackle.  The noise left his ears ringing it was so loud. And them POOF, Albert was no longer in the woods. He was inside a hut, tied right to a spit, left spinning over an open fire. 

The old women continued to cackle as she pinched his left arm and licked her licks.

He screamed “Oh no!  This is not right!  In fairy tales the little child outsmarts the old witch. You have not left me a chance to even try!”

“You looked so tasty, I didn’t think it was right to play that silly old game. I decided to just put you right on the spit and roast you right away.”

Albert began to sob as the heat of the flames became more and more uncomfortable.  He was left with a feeling of utter despair.

Then, to his left, he heard the sound of sleigh bells, then he heard the stomping of many animals. Then one of the hut doors, the one on the left, opened up and a man in a big rid suit stepped inside and pointed at the old lady.

“Ismerelda!  You have left me no choice. Yes this boy is naughty, but you are worse.  You have no right to cook him, no matter how selfish and lazy he is!”  He lifted a staff in his right hand and brought it down with a thud on the ground. A blinding flash of light filled the hut and then snow began to fall right from the ceiling.  Big, wet flakes fell right on to the witch and quickly covered her, freezing her right where she stood.  The snow also fell right on the fire, till there were no flames left. 

Albert freed his right hand, then his right ankle, and then untied his… other arm and leg. 

“Thank you Santa! I thought I was left for dead!”

As the old man walked to the other door in the hut, the right door, he turned and said.  “Don’t thank me little boy. Thank your good parents and sisters. When you left them, you left them heartbroken and they asked for my help.  So I came right away and did what I could. Let this be a lesson to you.  You need to learn Wrong from Right!”

And with that, he left the hut, jumped into his sleigh, flew away, and left Albert with nothing but his thoughts.

Christmas Right–Left Gift Exchange Story: SciFi Style

For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year we may have gone way over the top with a SciFi story that involves an alien scouting party visiting  a new planet.  I got a little carried away and it is a bit long.

If you have never played this game before it is simple. Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.  This year I also added a twist.  When you use the word TURN, everyone needs to spin 180 degrees.  Added complexity can make it more fun… or not.

We hope you get as many laughs out of it as we did.

You can find our Film Noir style story from last year here and a trashy Romance style story here.

BookCover

 

Winter’s Night Rediscovered

Left to their own devices, the Zalaks will in general, wonder right around the galaxy.  Captain F’Tool G’K’Right and his right hand man, and nestmate, leftenent P’Turn N’Tuk were lucky enough to have a job where they were paid to wonder around the galaxy.  It left them both with a sense of true satisfaction and a feeling that could only rightly be described as joy.

“P’Turn, where are we Right now?” asked captain G’K’Right. “Right now… let me see” muttered N’Tuk as he stared as his navigation console.  “We are approaching an inhabited planet referred to as Earth in the dominant language.”

G’K’Right asked: “Technological Status?”

“They appear to be right in the middle of the standard computational revolution, having just left a short nuclear period wherein the majority of the planet appears to have been left untouched by thermonuclear conflict” answered leftenent N’Tuk.  “Where should we land for our initial investigation?”

Captain G’K’Right tapped his right temple with his right foreclaw.  “hmmm…. This should not be left to chance, I think we should land in an uninhabited spot, right here” he said pointing at the nav screen with the same right foreclaw “right on top of the planet on this ice cap.”

“Right sir!” responded N’Tuk.  “Turning on landing engines, setting course left 237, right 124”

The ship shook violently, left to right, forward to aft, as it descended through the atmosphere of the planet.  Soon the ship slowed and stopped right above a huge ice ridge, looking down into a valley that should have been just snow. The crew looked at the right view screen, which showed sensor data.  It registered the expected uninhabited snow covered valley. But right there in front of them, on the left view screen, which showed a visual image, they were left with no doubt. The valley was filled, from left to right,  with a sprawling village.

The view left the captain stunned.  “Turn off the landing engines and set down right here. Leftenent N’Tuk, we are left with no choice but to go out and explore this anomaly with our left, right, and center eyes!”

A short time later the landing party stood in a large open square.  Their initial exploration had left them with the impression that the village had recently been abandoned.  They had also discovered that right beneath their tentacles was a huge industrial complex that was capable of manufacturing a staggering amount and variety of items.  It too had been recently left abandoned.

Captain G’K’Right looked around the square.  In the center a tall pole stood, stretch right up to the bottom of the clouds, wrapped in red and green stripes arranged in a right-handed spiral.  To the left of the pole, someone had left a pile of boxes wrapped in colorful paper. On the right of the pole was a giant green plant of some type that formed a cone shape and it had green and red decorations hanging from its branches.  As G’K’Right stared at it he realized it leaned a little to the right, the imperfection of which seemed someone how right.

“Right!” said the captain “Before we turn around and get back on our ship I want to understand why our sensors still read snow but we can see and touch a complete village and a gigantic manufacturing facility.”

Leftenent N’Tuk looked up from his portable sensor array, gazed left, gazed right, then gazed left again and said “Captain, I am left with no doubt.  It turns out that this whole area has a temporal damping field that obscures all non-biological sensing.  It is as if the sensors see what was right here about 3000 orbits of this planet around the sun ago.  But what we see and touch is what is here right now. The technology required has left me amazed.  The temporal generator appears to be right there on top of that pole”

The captain was about to order the disassembly of the pole when, on the horizon to the right, he saw a bright red light.  “Set up a defensive perimeter, right now!” he ordered.

The landing team formed an arc on the left of the square behind a low wall.  As they watched, the red light got brighter and what appeared to be 9 fur covered animals pulled a large red vehicle right across the sky.  Once again the captain was amazed.

The train of animals pulling the vehicle landed right in front of them in the square, where they realized that the red light was actually coming from an organ on the very tip of the lead animals head.  Soon, a door on the right side of the red vehicle opened and out streamed bipedal creatures dressed from head to toe in green. The creatures formed a lines that stretched from the left to the… other side of the square.  When several thousand had left the vehicle, a much larger, and rounder, bipedal creature came out of the opening and strode right up to the landing party.

He began to speak and the team’s universal translator translating what it heard into an earpiece they wore in their right ears:

“Hoo Hoo Hoo. Welcome my friends to the North Pole!  I’m sorry we left no one here to great you, but right now is the only night of the year where we are not home! Ho Ho Ho!  Your timing has left us un-prepared. Ho ho ho.”

Captain F’Tool G’K’Right strode forward to greet the large but friendly alien.  And then he stopped. A memory had popped right into his head that left him wondering.  He turned to and asked his right hand man, ” P’Turn, do you think, that this might possibly… , no it can’t be right. But the more I think the more I’m left without a doubt.  Could this be S’ta C’las?” As the captain looked at his childhood nest-friend, he remembered rushing with P’Turn into the nursery room on Winter’s Night to find gifts scattered under the Winters’ Night Mushroom… and a tear of joy formed in his right eye.

He turned just in time to see the bi-pedal alien morph before his eyes and become S’ta C’las.  In the Zelak language he heard S’Ta C’las say “N’ka, N’ka, N’ka. Merry Winter’s Night to you!  F’Tool G’K’Right, you have been a good little Zelak, N’ka, N’ka, N’ka,  and I welcome you to my home, right here on earth.  I of course knew you were coming so we left you and your crew something here, right beneath this tree.”

As the landing party rejoiced and rushed forward to put their tentacle right around S’ta C’las the captain realized, with a mystical and magical creature like this for every planet left with a civilization on its surface, no matter where his travels left him, he know that in the end, no matter how bleak the situation, no matter how difficult the challenges, no matter how deep the sadness, everything would turn out… right.

Christmas Right–Left Gift Exchange Story: Romance Style

For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year it was sort of a romance story with an Italian lover, a green dress, sword play, and a angry suitor.  It takes place at Christmas time… so there is the rather weak tie to Christmas.

If you have never played this game before it is simple. Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.  Using funny voices for the dialog also helps.

We hope you get as many laughs out of it as we did.

You can find our Film Noir style story from last year here.


image


Silvia LEFTwater lounged in her chair and watched Sir Robert St. RIGHTman stride across the portico, from LEFT to RIGHT into the LEFT wing of the LEFTwater mansion. She fluttered her eyes and inhaled a deep breath that stretched the bodice of her deep green satin dress. She held it for a time till it LEFT her a little light headed. She then let out a long, sad sigh.

RIGHT now, based upon the sigh that just LEFT your body, I am guessing that your heart is once again RIGHT where I… last enjoyed your embrace.

Hearing Alberto’s voice coming from the doorway startled Silvia RIGHT out of her deep contemplation. During the summer they had enjoyed a brief, deep and passionate romance, stolen moments together RIGHT here in her Writeing study, that had LEFT her wanting more. If she was honest with herself, it had LEFT her devastated. But he had… gone away without saying a word, only WRITEing her a single note that explained he would return RIGHT before Christmas. She had moved on, or so she thought. She didn’t want to think about the complications that Alberto LEFT in his wake; she wanted to focus on Sir Robert RIGHT now.

“Alberto, it is such a pleasure to see you standing RIGHT here, you LEFT in such a hurry this summer.” She presented her RIGHT hand to him, which he took in both his LEFT and RIGHT hands, brushing his lips RIGHT against the top of her knuckles. “I am so glad you could be here for Christmas, it would not be RIGHT to celebrate it without you.”

Alberto looked down on her, gazing into her eyes in a way that LEFT her a bit breathless. “My dearest Silvia, you must be angry with me, and RIGHTly so. But it is now Christmas time and I want nothing LEFT to chance. So I have returned to RIGHT here, RIGHT now, to make things RIGHT. “

Silvia felt her heart leap RIGHT out of her chest. He had LEFT her depressed and forlorn and now he marched RIGHT in at Christmas to declare something. And RIGHT after Sir Robert had LEFT this very same room after making a proposal of marriage. In fact, she realized that Sir Robert had declared his love to her standing in the same place Alberto stood now.

“Silvia, my peach, my desire, when I , LEFT here this summer I feel I did it for the RIGHT reasons. I bought property on the LEFT bank of the seine and opened an art auction house. And I sold pictures that my aunt had LEFT in plain sight, RIGHT above the LEFTmost window of our country estate. They were rare examples of the REITenhouser school of portraiture, painted by REITenhouser himself and his students. I sold them for a fortune, which has LEFT me with enough money to do RIGHT by you.”

Just then, Silvia saw Sir Robert over Alberto’s LEFT shoulder, standing in the door that had been LEFT open. His RIGHT eye twitched as his RIGHT hand slowly moved to his RIGHT hip where his sword was secured to his belt. “Alberto!” he yelled with RIGHTeous indignation. “By all that these mad days have still LEFT holy in this world, you have given up your RIGHT to Slivia’s attention. I have stood RIGHT by her side when you LEFT her crying, RIGHT here on this couch. Draw your sword, and we shall see who is LEFT standing!”

Alberto stood at attention, he looked RIGHT into Sir Robert’s eyes and said “You have LEFT me with no choice, we shall set this RIGHT….” He paused and drew his sword with his LEFT hand, for Alberto was not only Italian, he was a LEFTy, “… here and now”

And then they battled, back and forth, parry and thrust, thrust and parry. Silvia stood speechless, clutching her hands to her LEFT chest against her pounding heart. As the men fought, she was LEFT with a feeling of exhilaration. She knew it was… wrong… and not RIGHT, to find pleasure in their struggle. But she could not help herself. He chest heaved, covered with dewdrops of sweat as she watched them struggle.

Without warning, when they stood RIGHT in front of Silvia, Alberto slashed across Roberts LEFT cheek, which LEFT a long red streak under his eye. It also splashed blood RIGHT on Slivias RIGHT hip, RIGHT above her hand tooled leather belt.

“STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!” she shouted. Her outburst LEFT both men stunned and they stood there in front of her, looking RIGHT at her. “It is Christmas and this is not RIGHT. Although I am honored by your gallantry and willingness to fight for my love, the decision shall be LEFT to be to decide what is RIGHT for me.”

She took a deep breath and both men admired her long auburn hair, tied into a braid that sat on her RIGHT shoulder. She looked fierce, and beautiful. Then the word leapt RIGHT out from her “I love you Alberto, I always will. I would have rather you not LEFT me, and what you did was not RIGHT. But I forgive you. I’m sorry Sir Robert, it would be best if you LEFT now.”

Sir Robert dropped his sword and turned to leave. He walked through the door he had LEFT open only minutes before when he had LEFT after he had proposed to her, and walked down the hallway and… across the courtyard to his waiting carriage.

Which LEFT Silvia once again alone with Alberto, and it felt RIGHT. “Oh Alberto!” She felt his LEFT and RIGHT arms tight around her, which LEFT her no option but to collapse into his warm body. “This will be the Best Christmas Ever!” she said. Alberto leaned back and said. ” My Dear, Silvia, my love, my desire, my passion. You are…….. correct”

Christmas Right–Left Gift Exchange Story: Film Noir Style

For our Christmas parties at PADT we generally have over 40 employees so a traditional secret Santa gift exchange takes to long. So a couple of years ago we downloaded a right-left gift exchange story from the internet and it was a big hit. We ran out of stories on the internet, so we started writing our own, usually in some sort of over-the-top style.  This year it was sort of a Film Noir style with a hard boiled detective, a blond bombshell, and a can of Right Guard.  There is a Christmas connection, but you have to read it to get it.

If you have never played this game before it is simple. Everyone gets their gift and forms a big circle in the middle of the room.  Someone with a strong voice reads the story and every the world LEFT is read, everyone passes the package they have to the left. Every time the world RIGHT is read, everyone passes the package they have to their right.  You should pause a bit at each LEFT/RIGHT to give people a chance to pass.  Using funny voices for the dialog also helps.

We hope you get as many laughs out of it as we did.

image


Jack Hammer sat in his office on the 5th floor of the WRIGHT insurance company building. His RIGHT hand held a cold cup of coffee, and in his LEFT was a RIGHT guard deodorant can. He wore a hat cocked slightly to the LEFT and parted his hair on the RIGHT. Two streams of cheesy Christmas music were coming through his walls, from Doctor LEFTentowskeys office on his RIGHT, and the accountant’s office on his LEFT. He didn’t know the name of the accountant, but he had LEFT Jack a Christmas Card with a picture of reindeer on the LEFT bank of the Siene in Paris, which Jack felt was just not… appropriate.

Christmas had been a lonely time for Jack ever since his wife Janice had LEFT him RIGHT before Christmas five years ago, waking up one morning and saying “We are not RIGHT for each other” She packed and walked RIGHT out the door.

As he was remembering this he heard footsteps coming down the hallway from the LEFT, and they stopped RIGHT in front of his door. After a few seconds he heard a rhythmic rapping on his door, three knocks one RIGHT after another, a pause, then three more RIGHT after that. It LEFT him a bit puzzled, but RIGHT now he needed the work and the distraction from his depressing thoughts.

He said “Come RIGHT In”. The door opened to reveal a stunning blond bombshell. The kind that comes RIGHT out of a pinup calendar. The kind that had come into his office several times in the past and LEFT him heart broken.

Her ruby red lips parted and she asked, with a slight accent that sounded almost Italian: “You Jack Hammer? My name is Cemento Smerigliatrice. My friend Joey RITEnhaour said you were the RIGHT man for the job?”

Her voice LEFT him a bit speechless, so he used the act of clearing off the RIGHT side of his desk to find a place to put the RIGHT guard down as an excuse to gain his composure. “I may be the RIGHT guy for the job, but it needs to be the RIGHT job.”

She walked over to his desk and around the RIGHT side to sit RIGHT there in front of him on the RIGHT corner. She said, leaving no chance LEFT for misinterpretation: “I need you to kill Santa Clause”

The statement hung there in the air, Jack was LEFT speechless.

“Why?” he asked

She pouted those red lips and leaned forward, putting her ample bosom RIGHT in front of his eyes and said: “Last year, that red coated jerk LEFT me coal. I came downstairs and found that he had eaten the cookies and drunk the milk I LEFT him. But hanging there RIGHT over the fireplace was my stocking full of coal. It just is not RIGHT!”

Jack Hammer was used to trouble, and the part of him that didn’t get LEFT on the battlefields of the Pacific during WWII enjoyed the RIGHT kind of danger. But her whole attitude LEFT him a little nervous. She had LEFT something out that just didn’t seem RIGHT.

He looked her up and down and stared RIGHT into her eyes, and noticed a small tear streaking down her LEFT cheek. He put his RIGHT and LEFT hand down on the LEFT and RIGHT arms of his chair and slowly pushed himself up until he stood RIGHT next to her. “RIGHT now gorgeous, I don’t care what is RIGHT and what is… not-RIGHT. Life has LEFT a hole RIGHT here in my heart” he lifted her RIGHT hand in his and placed it on the LEFT side of his chest. “It has LEFT me bitter, LEFT me without any hope. LEFT me without a lot of morals.”

She looked up and smiled an evil smile at him. The kind of smile that LEFT you wondering if you took a wrong turn in a bad part of town… or maybe a RIGHT turn.

He let go of her hand to reached out and pulled her body RIGHT up against his and whispered in her LEFT ear.

“Looking at you I’m guessing that if Santa LEFT you coal, you deserved it. He has every RIGHT to leave you coal, because if you check his list you would be in that naughty column on the LEFT side of the sheet. “

He then spun her around and pushed her RIGHT out the door. “The elevator is on your LEFT sweaty, you can ride it RIGHT down to hell!”

Jack Hammer sat RIGHT back down in his chair and picked up the RIGHT guard that was sitting RIGHT on his desk. Somehow, the exchange LEFT him feeling good for the first time in a long time.

Meanwhile, far up RIGHT on top of the World a large man in a red suite set a cup of hot cocoa on the LEFT side of his desk. He crossed out the name of Jack Hammer on the LEFT side of a long list, and wrote it in on the RIGHT side, under the heading of Nice. In a deep rumbly voice he said: “Ho Ho Ho. Every year I am LEFT with no doubt, that RIGHT around the world when people are LEFT with a simple choice, they always do what is… appropriate.