info@padtinc.com<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThis year it was sort of a Film Noir style with a hard-boiled detective, a blond bombshell, and a can of Right Guard.\u00a0 There is a Christmas connection, but you have to read it to get it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe Right Guy<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
Jack Hammer sat in his office on the 5th floor of the WRIGHT insurance company building. His RIGHT hand held a cold cup of coffee, and in his LEFT was a RIGHT guard deodorant can. He wore a hat cocked slightly to the LEFT. Two competing streams of cheesy Christmas music were coming through his walls, from Doctor LEFTentowskeys office on his RIGHT and the accountant\u2019s office on his LEFT. He didn\u2019t know the name of the accountant, but he had LEFT Jack a Christmas Card with a picture of reindeer on the LEFT bank of the Siene in Paris, which Jack felt was just not\u2026 appropriate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Christmas had been a lonely time for Jack ever since his wife Janice had LEFT him RIGHT before Christmas five years ago, waking up one morning and saying, \u201cWe are not RIGHT for each other\u201d She packed and walked RIGHT out the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As he remembered this, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway from the LEFT, and they stopped RIGHT in front of his door. After a few seconds, he heard a rhythmic rapping on the frosted glass panal. Three knocks one RIGHT after another, a pause, then three more RIGHT after that. It LEFT him a bit puzzled, but RIGHT now, he needed the work and a distraction from his depressing thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said, \u201cCome RIGHT In.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The door opened to reveal a stunning blond bombshell. The kind that comes RIGHT out of a pinup calendar. The kind that had come into his office several times in the past five years and LEFT him heartbroken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her ruby-red lips parted, and she asked, with a slight accent that sounded almost Italian, \u201cYou Jack Hammer? My name is Cemento Smerigliatrice. My friend Joey RIGHTenhaour said you were the RIGHT man for the job?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her voice LEFT him a bit speechless, so he used the act of clearing off the RIGHT side of his desk to find a place to put the RIGHT guard down as an excuse to gain his composure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said, \u201cI may be the RIGHT guy for the job, but it needs to be the RIGHT job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She walked over to his desk and around the RIGHT side to sit RIGHT there in front of him on the RIGHT corner. She said, leaving no chance LEFT for misinterpretation: \u201cI need you to kill Santa Clause.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The statement hung there in the air. Jack was LEFT speechless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d he asked<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She pouted those red lips and leaned forward, putting her ample bosom RIGHT in front of his eyes, and said: \u201cLast year, that red-coated jerk LEFT me coal. I came downstairs and found that he had eaten the cookies and drunk the milk I\u2019d LEFT him. But hanging there RIGHT over the fireplace was my stocking full of coal. It just is not RIGHT!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jack Hammer was used to trouble, and the part of him that didn\u2019t get LEFT on the battlefields of the Pacific during WWII enjoyed the RIGHT kind of danger. But her whole attitude LEFT him a little nervous. She had LEFT something out. Things just didn\u2019t seem RIGHT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked her up and down and then stared RIGHT into her eyes, and noticed a small tear streaking down her LEFT cheek. He put his RIGHT and LEFT hands down on the LEFT and RIGHT arms of his chair and slowly pushed himself up until he stood RIGHT next to her. \u201cRIGHT now, gorgeous, I don\u2019t care what is RIGHT and what is\u2026 not-RIGHT. Life has LEFT a hole RIGHT here in my heart\u201d he lifted her RIGHT hand and placed it on the LEFT side of his chest. \u201cIt has LEFT me bitter, LEFT me without any hope. LEFT me without many morals.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked up and smiled an evil smile at him. The kind of smile that LEFT you wondering if you took a wrong turn in a bad part of town\u2026 or maybe it was a RIGHT turn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He let go of her hand to reach out and pulled her body RIGHT up against his and whispered in her LEFT ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLooking at you, I\u2019m guessing that if Santa LEFT you coal, you deserved it. He has every RIGHT to leave you coal because if you check his list, you would be in that naughty column on the LEFT side of the sheet.\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He then spun her around and pushed her RIGHT out the door. \u201cThe elevator is on your LEFT sweaty. You can ride it RIGHT down to hell!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He heard her start to sob when the elevator door closed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jack Hammer sat RIGHT back down in his chair and picked up the RIGHT guard that was sitting RIGHT on his desk. Somehow, the exchange LEFT him feeling good for the first time in a long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile, far up RIGHT on top of the world, a large man in a red suit set a cup of hot cocoa on the LEFT side of his desk. He crossed out the name of Jack Hammer on the LEFT side of a long list, and wrote it in on the\u2026 other side, under the heading of Nice. In a deep rumbly voice, he said: \u201cHo Ho Ho. Every year I am LEFT with no doubt that RIGHT around the world, when people are LEFT with a simple choice, they always do what is\u2026 appropriate. Merry Christmas, Jack Hammer!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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